Deborah Steinberg

Holy Behemoth!

2010-03-11T02:46:00Z

Chris and I knew what we were up against last weekend, when we decided to do our grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. It's not like we were idiots. The weather was the nicest it'd been all winter long, and that could only have resulted in serious competition for the mere reward of a view of TJ's macaroni shelf. Most supermarket shoppers are irrational, starving, asinine savages on weekends who can stand in one spot, feet spread apart, hands on hips, elbows out, staring at the same box of cereal for fifteen minutes. Without buying it. And when they're not doing that, they're practically smashing into your cart with their carts. Because they're "special" and in a hurry, so everyone else had better get the fuck out of their way. You'd think these shoppers were intoxicated with their lack of common knowledge and decency. I mean, there is only a number of places one can go while inside a Trader Joe's-- through the entrance, into and out of aisles, to the cashier and then out the door. But no. These folks are too creative and high off LSD, apparently, to heed and follow basic directions. Need I mention that they're far too evolved and sophisticated to say "excuse me" or "sorry"?

Which is why we usually do our grocery shopping on Friday at 11:00 AM or Thursday at 2:00 PM or Wednesday at 7:00 PM. On any other day of the damn week.

"You know what's going to happen, right?" Chris asked me while we were buckling our seatbelts.

"Yeah."

Good thing we decided to take a drive towards the river in Edgewater for a long, romantic stroll beforehand.

Later, as we pulled into a parking space at Trader Joe's, I mumbled stuff to myself. Not a prayer. Not a special request. I mumbled a series of affirmations:

                                                I will not roll my eyes at fellow shoppers.

                                I will not make sarcastic remarks in the frozen food section.

   I will not visualize shoppers engulfed in poo, even if they are paired off and blocking a path.

                                                    I will not punch anyone in the nose.

                                                    I will not hurl food items at anyone.

And why wasn't I going to do any of these things? Because we'd logically parked our cart in an area absent of traffic. We walked to what we needed, selected items of our choice and then walked them back to our cart. We perused aisle one while our cart sat in aisle four. Distance was of no matter. We're young and healthy and capable of walking back and forth for thirty minutes or so.

Did it work? For the most part, yes.

Without a cart, we were able to maneuver through all the other cart-pushing asshats and inconsiderate, me-oriented idlers. Only twice had a spaced-out shopper earned one of my infamous glances. A third incident, an absolute charmer, involved crazy-lady and her well-stocked cart making an unpredictable U-turn in a very crowded aisle. How she almost ran me and other shoppers over in the process remains a mystery. But, hey, there's a first time for everything.

Luckily, I was able to let that one go with a deep-breath and a long stare up at the ceiling which could only have been interpreted as seriously. Seriously?

My favorite part of the trip came later, when we exited the store and were walking to our car with our groceries. A behemoth of a gal walked behind us with her extra-short boyfriend, bags in tow. A minute later, the two wound up zipping in front of us and walking towards their vehicle.

Look. Ordinarily, I don't judge anyone on their physical features and attributes. Because I don't care about these things. I really don't. I've dated tall guys, short guys, thin and wide guys. None of that physical stuff matters. I've never been that picky.

What matters is that I'M SO FUCKING TIRED of hearing ANYONE criticize someone else's nose, ears, eyes, bellybutton, toes, ass, hair, fingers, AS IF THEY'RE OH, SO PERFECTLY BUILT THEMSELVES and AS IF OTHERS HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT WHAT ATTRIBUTES WE'RE BORN WITH.

And women are worse than men at this game, lemme tell ya. Many stupid women criticize the physicalities of their own species, vehemently. Believe me, I've heard it all. And it is all disgusting.

Well, men or women, THESE ARE THE FOLKS WHO WILL DIE WITHOUT EVERY KNOWING WHAT A GOOD LAY IS.

But they all still make me nauseous. And this particular behemoth walked in front of me and poked fun at an attribute I have no control over to her boyfriend. Probably to make herself feel better. Like most mean schoolgirls at the playgrounds do. Ha. Ha.

At first I didn't think their discussion was about me, but then the doofy-elf boyfriend turned around and said,

"Sssh, she's right behind you." And then he snickered.

Way to go taking a crack at my self-esteem, bozos. So courageous, unique and mature of you, really.

I looked at them. I just looked at them without uttering a single word.

The fact is that, if I wanted to be a bigger asshole than those two, I could have. I could have vomited a string of special-descriptions about them in an instant. I could have mentioned how their children would look. I could have called them a couple of sorry, revolting pr*cks, but it wouldn't have been the first time they'd ever heard that.

I guess that "fighting" tactic simply wasn't-- isn't-- my style.

Shit: Part Doo

2010-03-10T22:36:00Z

So I'm happy to report that, although the error I made could not be fixed per se, it was soothed. Meaning, we handled it well. Maybe it brought about some stress, but we handled it well and... grew stronger from it, eh-heh?

Let's just say that the shit-stain ain't permanent.

It was nice to be on the receiving end of understanding. And faith. (My, isn't that a big word, this week?) Because I really did make an innocent mistake. I never deliberately try to fuck things up. Just thinking of deliberately fucking something, anything, up makes me want to turn to ice-cream for support.

"Got Faith?"

2010-03-09T02:33:00Z

Several years ago, when I'd worked for Levi Strauss and Company, I was asked this question by a colleague:

"Got faith, Deb?" George asked.

"In what?" I asked.

I was nineteen at the time. And sure, I answered a question with a question. But, c'mon. It didn't take a genius to realize that the question George was proposing lacked something integral.

"THANK you," he said.

Again with the missing integral part.

"For what?" I asked.

"You're the only person who's asked me that."

Apparently George had gone around the office and store, asking that question to everyone he could corner. And this is what he got:

                                                      Yes, I have faith in God."

                                                   "Of course I believe in God."

                     "Yeah, I gots faith! Check out the cross around my neck, yo!"

                                             "I go to church, dude! Sometimes."

These responses didn't really disappoint him, he explained.

George was testing everyone at work.

"Isn't 'faith' a belief?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said.

"Then why do people confuse faith with a belief in God?"

George didn't know the answer to this either. But he was as reasonably annoyed and insulted about this mash-up of perfectly good terminology intended to soothe the egos of certain groups in our world as I was.

At the time, to be honest, I really couldn't come to grips with a belief in God. I tried in earlier years, but could not. I believed in some stuff. I believed in very, very few people. But God? Not somuch.

It was difficult to come to an ultimate decision considering my Jewish, then Catholic upbringing. The truth, though, was stronger than indecision. And the truth was that I'd seen enough happen within my family, outside of it and all around the world to know that it was pretty pointless to believe that some honcho spirit in the clouds would step down to Earth with a sword to keep everyone in-check, "someday".

Besides, that "someday" came and went with all the announcements of the end-of-the-world. It lost its shiny intrigue.

Beneath all the layers of teachings and masses, I didn't believe in God, much less in a just God.



                                                  Leave it in the hands of God, Deb.

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. Because God wasn't going to do a damn thing about any injustice, personally and not.

Why?



                                                        Don't question God, Deb!

Exactly.

I also didn't believe that heaven only existed in the afterlife. Heaven? Really? So if I'd suffered another fifty or sixty years of abuse (which I put to a stop in my very early-twenties), I could then celebrate with all the angels in heaven for all of eternity as a reward? Really? Well, someone needed to tell me what it was that we'd be celebrating in heaven because, I don't know, another sixty years of awfulness sounded pretty horribly unforgettable to me. It wasn't something I'd want to celebrate. Not in heaven. Not with angels. Not with God. Not with champagne. Not ever.

Why would I wait for "heaven", anyway, when there were actually moments right here on Earth, and in my life, that were nothing short of heavenly?

Finally, the concept of serving and suffering for the entire duration of my life, and being consistently grateful for it all, just didn't sit right with me.

Suffer, give money, suffer, suffer, attend mass every Sunday morning, suffer, sacrifice, suffer, THANK GOD, suffer, give up your favorite thing in the whole world for lent, suffer, suffer, keep THANKING GOD, asshole, suffer, suffer, croak, die.

Right. It all sounded as insane as anyone who's tried to sell their religion to me, usually raging alcoholics, drug or sex addicts, recovering alcoholics, drug and sex addicts. Greedy types. The needy, loopy, confused, fearful and vulnerable. With spaced-out eyes and stuff.

Not everyone has tried to make a sale, though, and I respect that.

So what do I have faith in? My loved ones. Myself. Our temporary cat, Milo. And sometimes humanity.

I have faith in everything having its reason. That some of that everything is out of my control, and that I needn't dwell on it.

I have faith in our spirits, that they never die alongside our skins.

I have faith in being on the right track. That I'm being watched over, namely by my mother and brother, because, just as I was feeling defeated today, I came across an opportunity that was natural and felt like destiny.

Shit

2010-03-08T21:27:00Z

I mean well. I do. I follow rules and instructions and only occasionally take short-cuts. I'm considerate and kind, a very tolerant, patient, understanding and forgiving individual, sympathetic and empathetic at my core.

Still, I cannot deny my strength, boundaries and resilience, all of which is at my core as well. And I expect no one to deny these things, either. I have a balanced core. Others have a right to one, too.

For all the ways in which I exhibit a truly well-meaning attitude in life, I can be a hothead at times. It's not like I become hotheaded and irate at an ice-cream parlor's staff when it runs out of my favorite flavor or when a friend is late for a social gathering. I don't implode, explode, make a head roll when someone makes an honest mistake.   My episodes of hotheadedness have merit, you know. I stand up for myself. I stand up for the little guy or underdog. And I consider the ability to discriminate between what deserves my attention or concern and what doesn't a gift.




Anyway, just because I mean well all the time, it doesn't mean that what comes from me is always well. Or, for that matter, perfect. I make mistakes like everyone else. Genuine mistakes, of course. My goal is not to hurt as many feelings as I possibly can throughout my lifetime. I'm not deliberately a goof. And I don't use the word "oopsie!", repetitively or loosely (if at all).

Oopsie loses its luster when said after a fifth similar offense, after all. Sometimes a third clone of a mistake is all it takes for many of us to get the boot, in fact.

So, here I am, and I've made a poo. A figurative one, folks, not a real one. The real one I made this morning, and it's probably in the Hudson river, right now.

No. This particular shit I've made is kind of a big, flattened, smushed and smeared deal. The kind that not even Nature's Miracle will clean up.

Yup, someone's carpet is ruined for good here. And, unfortunately, I'm not a magician and cannot turn back the hands of time to rectify this error which, in the grand scheme of things, is really not the biggest loss to ever befall humanity. Or even a single human for that matter. It's bad. I feel bad. But I haven't kicked-off a chain reaction that will end in the Earth caving into itself and everyone dying. This is the first time this incidence has occurred, not the second, third or fifth time. And it happened in an area of my existence in which I'm still learning and nowhere near a master.

I am unsure about how to make this all better. Which is odd, considering I make people feel better, and things all better, pretty damn often. But I am sure of this: I'm pretty exhausted of apologizing and digging around in an attempt to figure out where it was that I'd gone wrong. I'm pretty exhausted about beating myself up about honest mistakes. I'm pretty exhausted of thinking about the possibility that every other decent to excellent performance of mine has been, is, and might very well be overlooked someday because of an honest mistake.

Most importantly, I'm pretty exhausted of living in a world in which we no longer wish to distinguish an honest mistake from a deliberate one. Clean intent from muddy intent. Kindred spirits from douchey ones. I think many of us are too lazy and impatient to do realize the differences, even when they're staring right at us.

People who deliberately screw up, time and time again, get away with their behavior while people who sincerely don't mean to screw up get the short end of a stick.

And we wonder why our world is so fucked up?

On the bright side, I'm beginning to grasp the reality that I deserve better than this kind of worry and stress. I deserve understanding, effort, sympathy, empathy, forgiveness, patience and more from others. As much as I give is fantastic, really ideal. But I can settle for less than that. I'm just not going to accept so little that I am left doubting or distrusting myself and my abilities.

Not anymore.

Besides, the truth is that no matter how some of us wish to cut it, no relationship or environment-- whether professional, amicable, romantic, familial, etc-- can survive an imbalanced exchange of these characteristics. Not a single one.

Financial Loft: Ooooh, I Have a New Fan!

2010-03-06T22:34:00Z

Nearly over a year ago, I posted an article about an experience I had with DirecTV.

http://deborahsteinberg.com/2009/04/13/directvs-superduper-secret-customer-loyalty-program.aspx

Verna commented on my entry:

To some, I'm sure your article on the Directv Super-Duper Secret Customer Loyalty Progam appeared very intelligent and well thought out. It's so very obvious that you took great pleasure in writing about what a 'savvy shopper' you are. I took great pleasure in reading it, as I am always amused at others who are so forthcoming with their stupidity.

Please explain to me why people like you feel entitled to free products and services from companies. A reason other than competition. Clearly you are not a rocket scientist, but you shouldn't have to be to know that all TV providers have a better deal temporarily. It's a start-up offer which generally provides free equipment up front and a temporary promotional discount. Do you have any idea how long it takes for a company to recoup their costs before they even begin to make a profit from having you as a customer? I bet you did not know that when the HD DVR was first available they cost $1000 each. If you purchased one now the cost is $450. So $200 sounds like a pretty good deal to me. I know this because I have been a true loyal customer with Directv for many years (well over your 3 years) and I waited until I was eligible for a special offer. Had you been eligible for a free upgrade, it would have been offered to you on the spot. No questions asked. No putting you on hold. What resulted from the representative giving you something you were not entitled to is an increased,unbudgeted expense to the company. And it’s ultimately customers like me who have to pay the price for selfish people like you. Companies giving in to customers like you just reinforces this type of bad behavior that you are now, so proudly, spreading on the internet.

It has never occurred to me to ask for free shit or discounts from anyone just because "damn it I'm special". Would you walk into Best Buy and threaten that you will just go to Walmart if they don't deduct $250 off the price of a TV? Or would you just go to where the best deal is? Customers need to do their research in advance to know what company in the long run is the better value and stick with that company.

Really? Financial counselor? Advisor? Teacher? Marriage counselor? Negotiator?
Ah! Then I saw the bit about the Tarot readings and communicating with the dead and it all made sense. Gypsy? Yes…a gypsy sitting on her throne, eating grapes and wanting something for nothing.

Well, Verna, I took great pleasure in reading your comments. I guess we share something in common: I am also amused when others are forthcoming with their stupidity.

Kittens? Christmas poo? What does this have to do with this entry? A very interesting question, indeed...

I don’t recall writing that I felt entitled to this discount nor did I try to portray that I was deserving of it because I was special. It was a satirical piece that poked fun of how scripted everything is.

DirecTV is a fine company—they know exactly what they are doing. My DVR was not an unbudgeted expense—it’s an example of two tiered pricing. It’s supply and demand. They’ll charge the$232 because some people (perhaps you?) are willing to pay it. And knowing that others are not, they stand ready to waive this if you push hard enough.

It’s the same idea when a movie theater charges less to senior citizens. They’re not being nice. They just realize that they won’t be able to maximize revenues if they charge older people (who are more likely to be on a fixed income) the same price. My getting this discount has no bearing on how DirecTV sets prices for everyone else. Regardless of the expense (or lost revenue in this case), any company trying to make a profit will set a price in such a way as to attract the most customers and maximize their revenues.

You’re making it sound like I walked into DirecTV’s headquarters and stole a DVR. They willingly offered this to me. If they decided not to, it would have been up to me to decide what deal to go for.

Your Walmart and Best Buy analogy makes no sense. When buying a television, you can research the prices ahead of time. And many companies do offer to match a competitor’s price.

In this case, DirecTV did not advertise their prices for the upgrade, so there was no way to do all the research in advance. And this makes sense—they want to gain an advantage by not sharing their prices. It was my hope that by sharing my experience that someone reading my article might benefit from knowing that a deal like this existed.

For the record, it is my wife (and creator of this blog) who is the Tarot reader. I AM a financial counselor, which entails being an adviser and a teacher. I am not supposed to be a marriage counselor, but it comes with the territory when you’re counseling a couple on their finances.

Oh, and I did happen to eat some grapes today—I was on the couch, though.

As for wanting something for nothing, DirecTV has gotten nearly a thousand dollars from me since this article. I think they’ll survive. And I just reviewed my latest bill. It turns out they decided to give me three months of free Showtime. No, I didn’t ask for it. But I sure will enjoy saving up some movies on my DVR.

From High Above On His Throne,

Chris Dlugozima

Tarot Goodness for the Week of March 8th-14th: The Scythe (King of Swords, 2 of Swords)

2010-03-04T04:39:00Z

En garde.



                                          "Put a period on it, and move on..." - Judge Judy

So, this week, after much shuffling (I admit to spending an obscene amount of time shuffling my deck), I've plucked the Scythe!

Yay. What better way to kick off this week than to be forced to weed out the old for the new? Reap some relief and other good stuff? Or, worse, pay the piper?

I say 'forced' because it seems that some of us have been ignoring what needs to go and, as such, we're kinda in despair mode. At the very least, some of us are overwhelmed. Whether it's a manner of thinking, a method of doing things, clutter, a relationship, an infection or illness, an injustice, etc, we all know what it is troubling us. Thus, before it begins to 'spread' and cause whatever is healthy and stable to decay, we'd better have it removed. Or we'd better remove ourselves of it. There is no room for fear or procrastination. The call here is to become active, mentally more than anything else, saving what needs to be saved and simultaneously releasing what should be released once and for all. Let's be a little proactive instead of sitting back and seeing where the winds blow us or waiting until the last possible minute to get something done (goodness knows that's frustrating).

Surgery is likely for some.

A certain ship has sailed!

Let's remove ourselves of detrimental energy and thought. We can be very sensitive to it all at this time.

Jealousy serves as an example of this energy, because it makes us see things and people in a way that they simply are not. In that way, jealousy really is ugly as it offers a distorted image of others. Some of us might be jealous of another, all the while never fully knowing that person's tale. Some might think that the grass is greener on 'their side' of the fence, but what fails to be considered is that perhaps this person has worked really hard and suffered much to arrive at this stage. Thus, jealousy is perhaps among the most unfair and sickening of emotions. It is so foul that it doesn't give some of us a chance to believe that we, individually, are capable of achieving something, whether it's peace of mind or some other accomplishment. It interferes with our goals and has the potential to do away with self-esteem, entirely. Through doing so, jealousy proposes negative, even dangerous, circumstances-- not just one person but for many. Because if we feel like sh*t about ourselves, our performance is or will be sh*t.

But jealousy, again, is merely an example of degenerate thoughts and emotions. Extreme worry, paranoia, pent-up anger, etc, also fit in here. (Feel free to come up with thoughts, perceptions and emotions that sicken you!)

In general, seeing and believing something that is not 'here' and not really occurring, believing what we want to believe about others versus seeing, sensing and accepting them as they are... All of it makes up a recipe for our demise.

Are some of us really protesting, now? Standing up to an injustice? Or have we become drunk off sour grapes?

The Scythe represents the consequences of our actions, be they rewards, opportunities, recognition, a slap on the wrist, imprisonment and so on. This card is about reaping what we sow. Whatever we put out is what we'll be receiving at this time. If we've behaved like jackasses, chances are that we've turned others away. If we've behaved considerately, then we should be receiving consideration from where it matters. If we've been unhappy in our environments and have done nothing to change them,or if we've done nothing to change our attitudes about them, the fact that we've done nothing will be in our faces.

The truth will be unavoidable.

Protect and honor your truth and dignity.

It is at this time that, whatever/whomever we have placed our belief, our faith, our reliance, our trust in will either break away and leave us in a lurch or save us. Please, let's be sure that we are applying trusting, believing, faithful, relying, loving energy on REAL situations and REAL people. Superficial relationships and fantasies are not going to cut it. In fact, if we know of any superficial relationships or situations at the moment, whether we're in them or not, we will begin to witness ruptures, arguments and periods of silence and divisions among them. This is what happens to unstable foundations and structures. They crumble. And even if it is difficult to see it now, these happenings will pave the way for stronger, lasting relationships and experiences.

We will also witness eruptions from unattended problems. When we don't confront an issue and nip it in the bud, it grows, just like the weeds and even dead plants presented in this card, and takes over our lives or "gardens". Not all weeds are bad, but many can be and they can consume other plants. If we don't cut these away and nurture what's surviving or prospering, we lose everything. We lose a garden. We lose living things.

Protect, feed, honor and nurture your gardens. Let's not allow others to steal our crops (happiness, peace of mind, etc), understand? We have a right to our well-being, and no one should be allotted permission to take it away.

This card has the capability to help us define ourselves and define where we are headed. Here, we are given an opportunity to grab life by the horns. To take control of ourselves. If we don't do this, someone else will. Emotions are capable of taking over. So are customs, beliefs, anything or anyone we obsess over. Even a thing-- yep, a thing-- can take control of our lives, like alcohol or food or another item.

We know this. We know that an object can control us. We don't need a tutorial.

Do we know what surrendering to an object or person or thought actually sounds like?

                              Hi, Insert Addiction/Obsession Here controls my life.

That's how it sounds.   Why do we allow ourselves to be controlled in this way by everything and everyone pathetic?

We owe it to ourselves to be in control of our choices and our own lives.

We're storing up, or toughening up, for times ahead. Some are digging items out of "storage". If the latter is the case, we'll be surprised by how much fresh space we'll have to work with! We'll also be surprised by all the past secrets coming forth. Even if we don't want to know certain things, we will be realizing them, now.

Let's consider the Scythe a period. A dot. An ending that won't be short of hard work, focus, intensity and sacrifices. But it will be an ending, nonetheless. Every choice includes the ending, or putting away, of something else. This card applies to endings or consequences we choose to partake in, not endings that we create for others. Just because we end something for ourselves, it doesn't mean that we end the same for someone else. Everyone moves on in their own way.

We need to be decisive. That's the bottom line. Stalling and pacing and panicking and sugar-coating is not going to help matters. Stakes are high. Let's remain conscious and in-control, planting our "seeds", gathering our "crops". By crops, I mean information needed to proceed with certain matters. By planting our seeds, I refer to meeting with the proper individuals. Let's begin to take leadership because many leaders are sucking and very few truly want to lead.

Just remember, we can stand up for ourselves, defend ourselves, love ourselves, care for ourselves and protect ourselves. But we can't stop anyone from doing anything stupid. We can't make anyone do anything. We also can't make anyone cease a habit or way of life. So, for the love of God, let's use our brains and stop attempting to 'save others. Saving others might put our lives, or sanity, on the line.

Having a say in a matter is fine. Flat-out interference in others' lives is unnecessarily painful.

The Scythe translates to the King of Swords and 2 of Swords. Immediately, we notice defensive stances. There is a reluctance to open up, emotionally, with these cards as they are ruled by the element of air, indicating logic.

There is a commanding air about the King. He's intelligent and will not waver in the midst of sob stories. He will not give into deceit or corruption. The man is ethical and expects the same from others. Or else. He judges and he judges fairly. If we've done wrong, there will be no escaping the King's wrath. If we've behaved, if we've been honest, we should fare well.

The King of Swords asks that anyone in a leadership position is fair not only in judgment but in practice. Keeping past experiences in mind will help in our decision-making.

Intent means a great deal here. What is our intent? Is it to seek solutions and answers, or is it to stir up mistrust and other assorted craziness?

Again, the quality of the air we breathe comes into mind. It may come under threat in some way. Or we'll need to take certain measures to air out our living and working spaces, or improve air circulation. This is of importance.

Let's take deep breaths as well and try to remain calm. Let's "center", or balance, ourselves.

Let's take our time using sharp, metal objects such as knives, razors, axes, certain electronics, etc. We should watch where we are walking to avoid injury as well.

There's a propensity, here, for misused knives, razors and other sharp, metal objects, too. Please, let's be careful around argumentative people or violent scenes. Let's not become involved in any street fights or other disputes.

Be aware that cutting words will be used. Yes, fighting words! Joy. I'd advise against using them as we might challenge someone who tears us a new ass. The King of Swords AND the 2 of Swords represent superior intellect, so it just might be that we pick a battle with the wrong person-- a person who may put us in our place. Don't do it, folks!

If we feel unsafe or sense that something is off, this week, we may wish to alter our routes or routines. Let's keep our guard up, our eyes and ears open. And let's heed our instincts.

The Two of Swords denotes that some of us are already prepared and ready to go should conflict present itself. We don't need to see it to know it's coming. In fact, it may have been around us for some time and, this week, it will reach a culmination or finale.

The woman in the 2 of Swords crosses her arms over her chest, indicating emotional protection. If we have been feeling emotionally tough or "cold" lately, let's be grateful for that. This, again, is a way for our systems to protect themselves from heartfelt damage. Perhaps someone we know does not deserve our sympathy and has been abusing our trust or kindness.

Well, the 2 of Swords enables us with the strength to keep from allowing it to happen again. This is the card of self-empowerment. This is the card that assists us in developing a thick skin. Because we're going to need one. Pronto.

There is a risk here of being hurt by people with no heart, no compassion at all. Those who cry crocodile tears. Immoral or frozen-face types. Sufferers of Schizophrenia and Antisocial-Personality Disorder. Sociopaths:

[Sociopaths] are... egocentric, impulsive, and lacking in the emotions of shame, guilt, and remorse... [S]ociopaths realize they are more coldhearted than other people, but this fact does not bother them. Although they make up only about 3 percent to 4 percent of the male population (there are fewer female sociopaths), sociopaths make up a high percentage (approximately 20 percent) of the prison inmates in the United States. Their crimes typically involve deceiving and manipulating other people: fraud, bigamy, and embezzlement. -- Gaulin and McBurney, Evolutionary Psychology (2d ed., 2004), p. 248.

Any of this sound familiar?

The Two of Swords symbolizes a need for guarding our emotions our common sense, our instincts, our logic to solve a problem or initiate a new course of action. USE THEM. Let's use them because we're going to need all the communicative power we can get. And let's care for our brains, too, so that they won't let us break. We're going to need to have our brains in tip-top shape.

Pay no attention to the nitwits! They're running off at the mouth, angry and PMSing, male and female alike. They're running out of areas in which to complain and infect others with their poisons. Trust that their days are numbered, and they will be made to retreat in a pit of their own diarrhea.

With the King of Swords in the mix, this week, persistent and annoying idiots won't be getting as far as they'd like to with their schemes-- not beyond the realm of the law or even beyond the boundaries of intelligent and sensible folks.

For another clue, check out the 2 of Swords for a moment. See that chick? She can kick devious asses with a blindfold on, probably while seated, comfortably. Why would any of you pick a fight with her? I guess the fact that she's holding two swords and is capable of cutting off your balls doesn't matter, huh? I guess that her unpredictable fighting tactics don't unsettle you?

We're dealing with judges here, assholes! Watch yourselves, for starting trouble with someone else will not pay off at all. Try to put your revolting, disrespectful, rude, egotistical selves away for a minute. Try a hand at humility for once! Don't make things worse for yourselves.

Where has a general respect for others gone?

We cannot help those who don't want to be helped. We cannot help others fight battles that they are not fighting. We have our own problems to fix. We have ourselves to fight for. That's more than enough at this time. So let's not feel guilty about refusing to participate in self-sacrificing mumbo-jumbo.

Are we ready to kick some ass? Or are we going to allow our asses to be kicked?
.
It's time to take control of ourselves and whatever mission we are setting out to do. Or else.

Sigh. Here's to keeping from buckling under pressure.

Good luck, and have a super week.

The Bitch is Back

2010-03-03T21:30:00Z

Just when I'd begun asking myself, hm, what's become of the raging wildebeest (a solemn apology to the animal kingdom for inclusion in this comparison), Naomi Campbell pops back into the scene after popping her driver in the eye during yet another of her infamous toddler-tantrums.

Once again, the woman who can't seem to control her anger no matter how many fines she's had to cough up or bouts of community service she's had to dig her manicured nails into has put the lives of others in jeopardy. If we recall, the last time Campbell was on the news, she'd been accused *only* of endangering the welfare of officers at an airport. Yup. While mere mortals like you and I would have our nutsacks cut off for crossing these kinds of boundaries, Ms. Campbell got off on a fine and community service. Oh, and need I mention that she pulled the "race-card" while being arrested back then?

Yes, Naomi. Of course you were being arrested on the sole basis of your skin color. Assaulting officers, beating the shit out of your hired help, and then giving your driver a black-eye, probably because he didn't maneuver through NYC traffic fast enough for you, have nothing to do with it. Neither does the fact that you're a fucking lunatic.

And yet, a spokesman of Naomi's, Jeff Raymond, defends her? According to the NY Times, he's been cited as saying, "“There shouldn’t be a rush to judgment. There is more to the story than meets the eye.”

More to the story than meets the eye, huh? Nice choice of words there, Raymond. Obviously there's more to the story than meets the driver's eye, stupid. It met with Campbell's cold fist. Otherwise, there is no mystery about the woman who's paying you top-dollar to spew the most inane shit I've ever read!

Perhaps these aggressive acts make up a unique way for Ms. Campbell to remain in the spotlight. However, it doesn't take a genius to determine that she's severely overstepped her bounds. One look at the bigger picture tells that, by practically taking out her driver's eye, she's put the lives of pedestrians, her driver and other drivers in danger.

I'm left in wonder of this heathen, Campbell. I really am. I feel like the fate of our world somehow depends on her fate. If there is any justice left, entitled, arrogant douchebags like Naomi Campbell would all be in jail, washing dishes or wiping down toilets, doing anything to keep busy instead of wreaking havoc in the lives of those who don't deserve it. There is no doubt in my mind that at least a year in a dirty, gray cell will straighten this princess up, pronto.

Tuesday Thoughts: Khakis

2010-03-03T02:47:00Z

I wear. Khakis. To work.

Me. The girl who wears jeans 98% of the time.

Me. The girl who wears jeans with fringes and holes in the worst places 1% of the time, usually at home but occasionally in public.

The remaining 1% of the time, I resemble "a lady". Really, a gypsy if we're talking about the kinds of mid-length to long, flowing skirts I wear. I can move and twirl and dance around in them. They dance with me right back. Our relationship works out.

So this Khaki phase is amusing. I feel a little stiff and boring in these not-easy-to-iron pants, yet I don't look too shabby. Scary, huh? I haven't worn pants like these since my days in a classroom. And now they're giving me an odd sort of polish all over again.

Yikes.

"I think you look cute in khakis. No, I know you look cute in khakis. Very professional. I'd do business with you...," says my husband, Chris.

"....."

Somehow, conforming to a standard has made me blush.

Tarot Goodness for the Week of March 1st-7th: The Switch (5 of Wands)

2010-02-28T20:51:00Z

Zoinks!

So, um, I'm going to type this in the simplest way possible: try not to pull any crap this week, folks. No pulling wool over the eyes of anyone. No trying to get your way. No forcing anything. No pushing our luck.

Let's go with the flow. Take it easy all week. I don't know what the hell's gonna go down for some of us. Maybe we already know what to expect because we've seen the signs of small, medium, large or super-sized versions of impending doom-- or life's poop-- all over the place. If that's the case, great. Because that means we're prepared and will be dealing with disruption, frustration, destruction or loss as graciously as we can.

If we're not building or supporting anything, though, if our objective is to "destroy", then let's get ready for some serious repercussions.

Let's steer clear of harm's way. Let's not be nosy or meddling or intrusive.

Crowds, the short tempered, disagreements could bring chaos, injury and more. If we don't fit into a space or plan, we don't fit. If we're not correct, we're not correct. Why everyone wants to be right even when they're clearly wrong is beyond me.

This card also serves as our warning to keep from taking insults or criticism, personally. People only pick-apart, attack on a personal level, unjustly and dishonestly accuse others of crap because their own personal lives suck ass.

As far as our own town is concerned, we have a St. Patty's day parade coming up on Saturday that tends to get out of hand every year thanks to the douchebags that ride in from other parts of New Jersey and to the good folks at City Hall who couldn't schedule the festivities for, dare I say, St. Patty's day. I'm pretty sure attendees give not a flying f*ck about how much they trash our mile-square because it's not their town. But you know what? That's OK. I hope they all enjoy $2,000 fines and rounds of community service. If I were in charge, I'd make Sunday morning, the morning of their vicious hangovers, their first day of community service. But I'm not in charge. Because if I were in charge, our St. Patty's day festivities would be held on Wednesday, the 17th, or on Sunday, the 14th, at soonest. If I were in charge, logical decisions would be made around here.

Of course, that's not saying much about me. Kermit the Frog could be in charge of our town, and his decisions and plans would be more logical than those made by the highly-paid jackoffs at City Hall.

But even if you're not from Hoboken, if you're getting the hell out of town or stepping away from home or routine, lucky you.

Take a look at the Switch card up there. Does it look like a friendly card? Not so much. Two kids get into some kind of scuffle, argument, disagreement, fight, battle, war over toys, screaming-tantrum match over what appears to be trivial possessions, and both are punished for it. All of it. Perhaps someone else caused the blow-up and disappeared before he/she could get caught, of course. But if that's not the case, then these two parties just don't wish to compromise or accept their differences, and both want to be right.

Can't win 'em all. Win some, lose some.

The worst part about this card is that it doesn't matter who initiated this emotional eruption. It's clear that the 'woes' of these children haven't been able to garner any sympathy and both are suffering as a result of their behavior.

This means that privileges will be taken away from some. Licenses may be revoked, contracts terminated, and so on and so forth. This is what happens when we abuse privileges-- one day, we are found guilty of wrongdoing and that's that.

Some may have to bid farewells to certain responsibilities, freedoms or indulgences/luxuries all week long, making room for new responsibilities and other stuff.

We should avoid environments that bring us any sense of discomfort. Pushing our luck will be a no-no as simply breathing the same air as a troublesome person could get us into trouble. Let's not be found guilty by association.

Incompatibility, stubbornness, miscommunication, impatience and immaturity all seem to be a keywords here, folks.

Let's not be so quick to judge. Immaturity, in particular, comes in all ages, sizes, shapes. It comes dressed in jeans or in a suit. Immaturity doesn't discriminate, and we can experience it in various areas of our lives (financially, emotionally, mentally, and so on).

Give me your young fools and I'll give you my old tools. I've met immature people from all walks of life, and I'm certain that you have too. Thus, it is irrational to assume that all immature humans come in packages aged 2 through 25 years. Many people choose to skip right over wisdom-- wisdom doesn't skip over anyone.

On the other hand, my, how some of us have grown!

Some of us are making a big fuss out of nothing. Mountains out of molehills. We're drawing stories and concerns and fears out of utter bullshit. Let's ensure that what we're ingesting or chasing is relevant to our goals, "newsworthy", digestible.

Some of you may want to enjoy any free/fun time, this week, to the fullest. It is fleeting and can be a hell of a uniquely productive or learning experience (in addition to entertaining and eye-opening). This is not a time to remain stuck in monotony-- let's explore. I'll add that spending time around new people, fresh faces and new places will prove healing and educational for many of us.

Let's ask questions. Often times we become lost or "lost" in life because we don't ask questions! So let's shove our pride aside and ask them.

With the Switch, we can certainly expect some flare-ups or frustrations, mostly involving control-freaks and self-absorbed/vain personalities. There's nothing wrong with being mindful of ourselves. But there is a problem with greed or viciousness-- really, an unwillingness to share and exhibit fairness and honesty in dealings as we "get ahead".

My advice here would be to keep hotheadedness to ourselves. Easier said than done, I know. I'm a hothead, myself. By this I mean ignoring any not-nice, non-gracious or deceptive behavior that could be coming our way. Some people's butts are itching and they want to cause trouble-- there's no valid reason to join them for the ride or for the fall.

Many want to be Numero Uno. Got it? And some will go to certain lengths to achieve, regain or retain that status. If that means spreading rumors about undeserving people or attempting to tear relationships apart, so be it.

We don't need to take part in a tense circus that feels like election season all over again, do we? Let's not allow anyone to bring us any grief.

Let's remember where our loyalties reside, NOW. Where are our loyalties, today? That's where they should remain. Let's be cautious around clingy or needy types, the attention-thirsty and money-hungry, making loans only with funds and time we actually have. It's amazing to be helpful, but overextending a helping hand will send out the wrong signals at this time.

Let's be prepared for rudeness, delays, cancellations, gossip, flakiness, theft, Insert Disappointment Here. Putting on our thick skins will help A LOT. Some eruptions or words are going to come out of left field, and they have the potential to hurt.

If we can keep our to-do lists short and realistic, we should fare well.

As I mentioned at the tippy-top of this page, if we can get the heck out of town, find the time to relax and get our minds off obligations and other assorted crap, if we keep far away from dominant or manipulative personalities, if we have personal space and privacy and a moment to breathe and/or vent, we will reap the very best that this week has to offer. This will be a fantastic time to rest, grin and get our bearings, catch up, work ahead or start over! If anyone misses us, all the better.

'Tis the beginning of a beautiful, love-hate relationship. Or, um, the beginning of the end of one. Some will fall in love with something or someone they've been taught (or taught themselves) to hate or overlook for senseless reasons. Others will be hating someone or something they'd originally loved.

The least compatible personalities can come together under this influence, however, and produce great things.

I couldn't stand my neighbor's guts when we first moved into the apartment we're currently living in. Back in 2006, I got into a heated argument with his girlfriend... because I politely asked her to turn down the music upstairs. She did lower it at first, but then raised it to a much higher notch than the original volume.

Smell a special fight brewing? Yeah.

Well, I waltzed back upstairs to ask that she, again, turn the music down a little. Only in this round o' discussion, she behaved arrogantly and inconsiderately, looking down at me in a way that denoted that what I kindly requested of her didn't matter. One thing lead to another, and I told her that maybe I'd get a police officer to come and turn the music down if it didn't go down a notch.

One thing lead to another, and I also told her not to fuck with me.

Now, don't mistake me for a prude, here. I love music. I really do. But I had a migraine, hadn't eaten in hours, had just arrived home from consoling a friend after her father died,... and all I wanted to do was have dinner with my husband and watch a little TV. Except that fucking House music was pounding right into our livingroom in a way that didn't allow for TV watching. It drowned the volume on our TV. And don't even get me started on what it was doing to my migraine.

Did I not have a right to relax in our apartment? All I asked was that she please turn the volume down a notch. I didn't say "hey, asshole, party's over." I'm not a party pooper. I don't go out of my way to start fights with anyone. It's not my style. And even if I didn't understand when such a request became the equivalent of a Mt. Everest climb or a stroll along hot coals, I decided that I wasn't about to stand for her shit.

I think the volume went down after that interaction. But five minutes later, my pretty neighbor (her boyfriend) came downstairs, fresh out of a shower and sprinkled in cologne yet smelling a little like booze, to pick a fight with my husband.

Sure, Biff's visit was his unique way of telling us that he didn't want us to call the police or to report his behavior to our landlord. But that hadn't stopped me from wedging right in-between the angry gorilla and my husband (who had absolutely nothing to do with the verbal exchange between Biff's girlfriend and I moments prior) like a raging lion. Because, um, nooooo. Nobody was going to fuck with my husband. My husband had done nothing wrong, and I would be damned if some drunk,alpha-male asshole was going to touch him in order to satisfy an egotistical itch.

Trust that Biff would have laid on the ground and I'd have single-handedly remodeled his genitals before he'd ever reach forward to put his hand on my husband. That was the bottom line. I had my boundaries, you know?

Biff couldn't believe that I threatened to call the police. I couldn't believe he desperately NEEDED to hear music blasting from HIS livingroom while he showered WITHhisbathroomdoorCLOSED, WTF.

Several blah-blahs later, Biff and I calmed down. We decided that this incident was water under the bridge. I forgave my neighbors' inconsideration. He forgave my threat to call the police. If you can believe it, we all became friends after that eruption. It helped that I baked cookies (cake, brownies and so on) and shared them with my neighbors after that incident, the act of sharing said cookies a peace-offering that gave way to our friendship.

Neighborhood Watch

Biff, Chris and I now look out for one another. So I guess my point here is that this kind of loyal, protective relationship can manifest out of an "I-hate-you-asshole" battle or exchange. It really can. It happened to Biff, I and, currently, his ex-girlfriend. And if our fiery personalities somehow came together in spite of our differences, it can happen for others. We really can get along if we want to.

Getting along doesn't mean making out with everyone. Getting along just means coexisting in the same space without tearing hearts out of one anothers' chests.

Some are lovers. Some are rivals. And still some couldn't give two shits about any of this divisive, steaming horseshit. Let's stop giving into concepts and groups that divide us all the time.

Hate-love feelings could just be a passing mood or phase, or it could be more than that. See also: GROWTH. Some of us are growing and realizing that, while many others haven't walked their walk, some do. Some do, even if they don't come wrapped in the packages we're so accustomed to seeing... Like Biff. He may have come wrapped in the package of a PMSing bull, but he's not a bad guy at all.

I had to share this story because we can all benefit from playing a little nicely instead of competing all the time. It helps to know our neighbors, as an example, and to be there/look out for one another in our neighborhoods. Yet, some of us live in the apartment right next-door to Mr. Rogers and never say "hello"? How is this possible? Neighborly support is essential to our quality of life. It helps to both give a shit about our neighbors and to have them give a shit about us. In the event of an emergency, who else are we to band together with if our families reside miles away?

Ding-ding, our neighbors!

Any hate developing now could be a result of abuse, repression, oppression, etc, self-inflicted and not. Might want to look into that.

There could be a sense of love growing for parts of ourselves we've been hating (and subsequently hiding) for a long time as well.

What are we hating about our lives, right now? What do we love? Let's make some lists and gear-up for some juicy "Spring-cleaning". We're gonna be de-cluttering more than just our closets, folks.

The Switch represents not just an opportunity for a break or "time-out" but, as previously mentioned, a moment of disruption. Our "chi" (harmony) may become disrupted, folks, and I'm sorry to say to say that privacy may not be easy to come by. Neither will peace and quiet. Some of us will be speaking up, speaking loudly and interrupting conversations as there will be so much to say, and it will seem as if there is just not enough time to get things across (or done).

An interruption in the flow of things is more than just an annoyance or inconvenience, however. Interruptions force us to listen, pay attention to details and to initiate changes. In the form of people, disruptions possess the capability to test our relationships and bring some closer together. In the form of loss, disruptions, again, can also bring us closer together.

If disruptions come, they are here to pave the way for something else. Let's try to keep positive about them and control our reactions. Being a good actor, this week, will help as well. In the event that someone is deliberately annoying us or disrupting our flow, he or she will be pretty pissed by the "fact" that we don't care.

Let's not give fools what they want.

The Switch translates to the 5 of Wands. Based on the image, this card can be interpreted in one of three ways: either the men are battling it out, messing around (playing) or they're all pitching in an effort to build something.

Needless to say, this card indicates (at the very least) some measure of challenge. Maybe we're struggling or feeling weighed down by strife. Where do we stand, this week? Are we standing? If not, are we ready to stand up? Do we feel challenged enough? Too challenged? Are we struggling with a problem that can be fixed? Are our problems deemed problems because we freak-out too easily in the face of challenge? Are we experiencing strife (or grief) due to a loss or emptiness that cannot be replaced or filled?

When a part of our lives falls apart, it gives us a chance to rebuild and "customize" it to suit our needs. Our needs are just as important as the needs of others and they deserve tending to. We deserve tending to.

Are we prepared to make necessary adjustments to our schedules (and thoughts) in order to accommodate a more natural flow of events? Let's weed out the unnecessary stuff and make a vow of time to ourselves!

Comparing what we consider a loss (of possessions) to what others consider a loss might help in the maturing process.

Let's give something new a chance. Or give ourselves-- and our thoughts, ideas and plans-- a chance. It's only fair. We're not here just to get others out of jams. We're here to keep ourselves out of them, too.

Let's get to know our competition (if we have any) a little better. We're gonna have to rise to the occasion, so we'll be better off prepared with some knowledge and wit than defeated before a challenge or battle has even begun.

Let's take notes, sharpen tools and fight a good fight.

Our power is not for our rivals or "enemies", anyone who wastes it or sucks it up like blood-thirsty beast. Using our power for what we want done, this week, will take us to the head of the class. Using our power to mediate, inspire and/or help bring minds together in an effort will earn us respect and admiration.

Sometimes our only rivals are our very selves. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Yes, sometimes we make our own lives dramatically difficult to live when life is not a Shakespearean novel.

We'll be working and playing hard. Let's try not to leave anything for the last possible minute-- time and tasks should be managed wisely! We'll find that most of our frustrations are coming from a mismanagement of time, resources, etc.

Let's take care of our skin and eyes, which will be suffering the most during bouts of stress, this week. See also: Acne, rashes, puffiness, redness, dryness. Baths will refresh, and a few minutes spent in the sunshine, in spite of wanting to remain under the covers, will boost our spirits, tremendously.

Let's hang in there, kids. We can make it happen.

Enjoy the race, or new ride, and have a super week!

Deb Had a Premonition

2010-02-26T03:54:00Z

Uh, I don't know how quite to explain this, but I will try my best.

Last night, I had a premonition of sorts. I was settling into bed sometime after midnight. I was up working on an assignment, ending the evening with my participation in an extremely brief and stupid online conversation with a "spiritual" person who has a penis perched on his neck, apparently. You know, instead of a noggin? He's smart, he said, and the rest of us are dumb if we're not born under the sign of Pisces or any other water sign. Yep, the guy knows better than everyone else on the planet because he's studied this, that and the other thing. Blah, blah, etc, etc. And not only does he really believe all of this, but I think that he's actually rounding up Pisceans (and other water signs) he can get his paws on for some odd mission.

Can you smell the fucktardness, here? Because it reeks. I enjoy Astrology and all, but I told the guy that whatever he was selling, I wasn't buying. He only became mad at me after I respectfully disagreed with a narrow-minded comment he made regarding (for the astrologers out there) a Grand Cardinal Cross video on YouTube, anyhow. I wasn't mean. I was humorously expressing a fair perspective on the subject matter. Joking. But since he responded like an arrogant Pisces-asshole, I told him that he was entitled to believe whatever he wanted.

Because, really. In the grand scheme of things, if he wants to believe that Papa Smurf will be the next president of the United States, I won't stop him. Would you?

Still, I'm grateful for that experience because that dude is precisely the reason why I'm weening away from some sites, these days. I'm sorry, but some of you out there are... just... waaay fucking out there.

Anyway, I kissed my husband, wishing him sweet dreams as I always do. Because I love him. Then I nuzzled my head into one of our softest pillows like Milo the cat taught me. I closed my eyes and was *this* close to dozing off into a usual deep-sleep when...

POW.

I heard a gunshot.

Not a real one. Not one in a dream. Not one on TV.

It was a loud crack, a gunshot, and I'm calling it a premonition. I wasn't awake when I heard it, but I wasn't yet asleep. I was somewhere in-between.

Now, if you don't think I know what a gunshot sounds like, let me clear the air for you. I grew up in the Bronx where it was common to hear gunshots. We heard them during drug-related battles down the street. We heard them right after the NY Yankees won a world series. Gunshots also rang from nearby rooftops when neighbors welcomed in a new year. Shooters didn't discriminate.

One time, I was returning home with three bags of groceries from a bodega around our block, and I had to zip behind the wall of a random building because gunshots went off just steps away from my path. I kinda wanted to arrive home alive, I guess, and certainly not resembling Swiss cheese. I was about ten-years-old, maybe eleven at the time, and it was the closest I'd ever been to a gun-related incident.

So, yeah. I know what gunshots sound like. I heard one last night and don't know what to make of it. I was a little startled by the loud sound (anyone would be) but too tired, I think, to have become frightened. I was too tired to react in general. I'm glad about that because it would have been stupid react to an unreal gunshot in any capacity, no?

Since waking up, I haven't been able to let the sound go, however. It was really close to my ear. I've had dreams about impending disasters, stuff like that, usually three days prior to an event. Never quite understood them, nor have I taken them literally. I've also had several premonitions in the past, though neither of them have included gunshots (or any other sounds, for that matter-- usually just visions). I've kept most of these experiences under wraps for years.

This particular premonition is new to me...