So, um, I don't believe in the new year's over-hyped "fresh start" crap.  I believe every day is a fresh start.  Some of us grab each day by the horns, see each day as an opportunity, and some of us don't...

And that's that.




Coincidentally, COINCIDENTALLY, however, I plucked the Sun from my trusty deck today.  And what does the Sun have to offer us?

A.  Fresh.  Start.  A fresh start that I like to think has more to do with the solar eclipse we are experiencing this week than it does with the so-orgasmic introduction of 2011, but I digress.  Some of us may have enjoyed a hefty orgasm, but it didn't have anything to do with ringing in the new year, OK?  It just naturally unfolded.

Back to the card.  The Sun represents newness, but also vibrant health, appreciation, recognition, fame, love, the opportunity to see and accept ______ as is, our life force, thriving, optimism, power, empowerment, good fortune, winnings, fun, pleasure, adventure, invincibility, inspiration and abundance.  The Sun is also a star, so we can assume that the wonders of our universe are also well-represented here.  We are in the universe, and the universe is in us.

Isn't that squishy?

Do you know what it takes to be appreciated sometimes?  Absence.  Silence.  I realize that many of us want to have our own way, when and how we say so.  That, currently, some of us actually get what we want, when and how we want it.  Even when you're clearly a bunch of assholes.  But life isn't always going to be this easy, this gratifying, and some of you aren't going to be in control of everyone and everything around you soon enough. 

I'm just putting this out there, because it's true. 

I hadn't spoken to my dad in something like a year.  When I say spoken, I refer to the expression of something more than "hi" and "how are you" and "take care".   I've seen him and forgiven him for stuff over and over and over again.  Accompanied him on days filled with doctors' appointments.  I love, take care of, and protect him, you know?  But after a blow-up we engaged in last year, I decided not to have anything to do with him for a while.  For the sake of my sanity, primarily.  What he said was uncalled for and untrue, and he expected me to make a decision at the drop of a dime that he had no right expecting or asking of me.  So, yes, believe it or not, I decided to put my feelings first in that situation.  And, at the risk of some members of my family perceiving me as an evil bitch, I decided what was best for me at the time was distance.  And if you think that distance is a bad thing, you might want to hear about the time my aunt hit my other aunt on the head with a glass bottle.

Yeah, historically, a couple of fights in our family have been pretty ugly.  My father and I are saints in comparison.

Besides, members of my family who truly know my dad and I, who aren't simply after whatever my dad can give them, know the real dynamic of our relationship.  See: my uncle (who, by the way, is making a remarkable recovery at the hospital!).  My dad is healthy, independent and very capable of doing things and going places, though, so it's not like I was insensitively leaving a frail, ill parent in a silent lurch.

Fast forward to last week, when I saw my dad for the first time in a long while.  He was really nice to me.  Really nice to my husband.  Just all-around really nice.  And he doesn't smoke pot.  So the only explanation I had for his surreal behavior is my absence.  We had lunch at The Skylight Diner, the only restaurant on the entire planet he enjoys.  We walked around the city.  The entire afternoon grew from awkward to OK, and  that was a huge accomplishment.

Had to have had something to do with the absence factor.  Had to.

Anyway, I feel that the Sun has a lot to do with absence making the heart grow fonder.  Friends and family members who've missed us appreciate us immensely, now.  Why?  Because our worlds are becoming scarier and/or lonelier places without those who mean something to us near us.  That's why. 

I see an influx, as well, of new faces, new people, who won't quite hold a candle up to those who have been there for us through and through.  They have the attention span of a gnat.  I'd suggest not falling for a pretty face, this week, but rather reestablishing ties with those who hold captive our hearts and who withhold concern for our welfare.  Because, together, some of us are going to be a damn force to be reckoned with.

That's what this week seems to be about-- rebuilding and reigniting, or building upon, some relationships.  These relationships are our life force, do we understand?  They are our rocks.  Our stability.  Our sanity.  Our light and humor.  Our push.  It's time to look out for each other, not sacrifice someone good and true for someone fair-weather for the sake of being liked or accepted or not-lonely. 

Do we understand? 

These relationships are what bring out the best in us.  They help us shine.  So to place ourselves at the mercy, in the company, of wolves (sorry, real wolves) is stupid as hell at this time.

I had a friend tell me that I'd love so-and-so individually.  Apparently, so-and-so was a complete dipshit in a social setting, recently, but I'd love him/her individually.

I love my friend to bits, but you know what?  If someone is going to be a dipshit in a social setting and leave me and others out of whatever clique has been created in a room, then guess what?  I'm not going to ever have an interest in getting to know him/her individually.  What would be the point in that?

People have attempted to feed me this line of bullshit before:

Oh, Candy can be a bit of a cold, weird, distant bitch who pretends she doesn't know me in group settings, but she is such a sweet gal in one-on-one interactions. 

Yeah?  Vampires can be super-sweet, too.

Fuck you, Candy.

Well, folks, I guess I neither respect nor am interested in getting to know Candy if she doesn't know who the fuck she should be at any given time around me.  Blatant inconsistencies in personality don't make any sense to me, I don't have the patience to figure them out, and when I've tried to figure them out...

Let's just say that unless you're paying me a detective's salary, I don't have time to figure some people out. 

Be yourself, and we're straight. 

Speaking of being ourselves, boy, will sincerity and genuineness be harder to come by.  If you've got these things at your disposal, within yourself or from others, hang on tight to 'em 'cause you'll need them.

Finally, try and recognize and appreciate someone in your life who is wonderful.  Because if you don't, this card guarantees that someone else will very shortly.  Again, the Sun represents a fresh start, so opportunities for growth and expansion, perhaps some surprises, will come to those who have been patient, honest and diligent about their work/mission. 

Some will quit while they're ahead.  Others are feeling young, refreshed, and very blessed.

In the meantime, some of us have something solid to work with, relationship-wise, this week-- let's build upon that, and we'll go pretty far.

Have a great week.